Love Your Enemy — How Kindness Restores the Soul
In recent training with the American Association of Christian Counselors—drawing from Harvard and Duke research—I discovered just how powerfully kindness transforms not only relationships but also our brain chemistry, health, and soul. The research shows that Christians often experience lower levels of depression, anxiety, inflammation, blood pressure, and stress hormones and even better heart and dental health. In essence, human flourishing means living in a way that fulfills our God-given potential in every area: physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually.
In a world full of stress, conflict, and broken relationships, kindness stands out as a powerful force for healing and restoration. But kindness is more than just a nice gesture—it is a transformative practice that restores our soul, renews our mind, and even rewires our brain for flourishing. It turns out that whether we truly thrive in life and relationships depends far more on how we treat others than on how we ourselves are treated.
Scripture clearly commands us to love one another, but have you ever paused to consider the benefits to ourselves when we choose kindness? For a long time, I believed that loving my enemy was simply a spiritual strategy—an act of self-control that disarmed them and revealed God’s love. While that’s true, I never fully realized how much kindness actually reshapes my mind, heals my soul, and even changes my brain chemistry in ways that bring deeper peace and joy.
Let’s explore how kindness nurtures our whole being. First, I have to make clear a distinction that the experts make. Kindness is not niceness. Niceness is more of a surface gesture to keep things pleasant and not rock the boat. True kindness mimics Christ-like kindness and cares about the best interest of the other person. True kindness has strength and self-control. Why self-control? Because we have to be kind when we really don’t want to be.
Jesus tells us to do unto others as you’d have done to you. He is referring to mistreatment and being kind in spite of mistreatment. Of course boundaries are needed, but in essence Jesus is calling us to be kind and generous, despite the context of the offense.
Research by scholars like Shaunti Feldhahn and other human flourishing experts shows that kindness leads to:
Improved physical health: lower blood pressure, stronger immune system, and better heart health
Better mental health: Reduced depression and anxiety, increased happiness and life satisfaction
Stronger relationships: Deepened trust, connection, and social support
Greater spiritual well-being: A sense of purpose, peace, and connection to God and others
Kindness creates a ripple effect. When we choose to be kind, everyone around us benefits, and so do we. Now, here is the super cool part, at least I think neuroscience is super cool. The brain is an organ that is wired for connection. Acts of kindness light up brain areas associated with reward, motivation, and empathy.
Kindness releases dopamine—the “feel good” neurotransmitter—producing what scientists call a “helper’s high.”
It triggers the release of oxytocin and dopamine, reducing stress and increasing social connection.
Kindness activates and strengthens the prefrontal cortex, enhancing our ability to practice self-control, improving empathy, and improving moral decision-making.
Regular kindness reshapes neural pathways, growing brain areas linked to compassion, gratitude, and joy. Kindness softens the heart, opens us to God’s correction, and draws us into deeper relationship with Him and others.
Spiritually, kindness reflects God’s love and produces fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).
This neuroplasticity means kindness literally changes the structure and function of our brains and pushes our soul toward flourishing and peace. The Bible invites us again and again to live lives marked by kindness as one of the fruits of the Spirit and a reflection of God’s love for us:
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
— Ephesians 4:32
“A kindhearted woman gains honor, but ruthless men gain only wealth.”
— Proverbs 11:16
“Love one another deeply, from the heart.”
— 1 Peter 1:22
Kindness softens the heart, opens us to God’s transformative work, and produces inner renewal and peace:
“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.”
— Psalm 51:10
Mental health is more than emotional stability; it is spiritual well-being and alignment with God’s design for our lives.
Kindness helps us:
Overcome bitterness and anger: By choosing love over resentment (Romans 12:21)
Build community and belonging: Because God designed us for relationship (Hebrews 10:24-25)
Grow in Christlikeness: Since Jesus modeled ultimate kindness and compassion (Philippians 2:5-8)
Experience joy and peace: As we reflect God’s nature and obey His commands (Galatians 5:22-23)
Everyone one of us values kindness, but here’s a problem: you might already think you are kind. But if you are a Christian, you are aware of sin. There is a sinful tendency to always point the finger at the other person. Ouch. Convicted. I am in this boat with you. We are often unaware that we are not as encouraging and kind as we think we are. We all need training in righteousness, and the experts tell us the first step is awareness of our own behaviors. When you are kind to others, it helps them thrive, but it also changes you. You become more Christ-like, and your soul becomes more sanctified.
There is truth from both neuroscience and Scripture highlighting what you focus on, you will see. In relationships we can have selected focus, meaning we are so focused on one thing that we completely miss something that may be important. In difficult relationships, we often only see the negative. One goal of true biblical kindness is to focus on what is good, and that can change how you feel, which can then influence how you think. Simply put: what you choose to focus on can shift your emotions, reshape your thoughts, and renew your relationships. So let's look at how we can intentionally cultivate kindness in daily life.
Start small:Simple acts like a smile, a compliment, or a helping hand
Practice gratitude: Thankfulness naturally leads to kindness.
Be intentional: Choose to forgive and encourage, even when it’s hard.
Pray for a kind heart: Ask God to soften your soul and guide your words and actions.
Surround yourself with kind people: Build habits through community and example.
Three steps in kindness towards a difficult person
Say nothing negative about the person—no criticism, no complaining, not even to others.
Look for one thing you can affirm or praise about that person.
Do one small act of kindness or generosity toward that person.
Kindness isn’t just good manners or a nice idea; it is a powerful, God-ordained means to heal our brains, restore our souls, and flourish in every area of life. As we choose kindness, we participate in God’s ongoing work of redemption, becoming more like Christ and drawing others toward His love.
References:
Feldhahn, S. (2017). The Kindness Challenge: Thirty Days to Improve Any Relationship. WaterBrook.
Koenig, H. G., VanderWeele, T. J., & Peteet, J. R. (2023). Handbook of Religion and Health (3rd ed.). Oxford University Press. https://doi.org/10.1093/oso/9780190088859.001.0001
Newberg, A. B., & Waldman, M. R. (2012). Words can change your brain : 12 conversation strategies to build trust, resolve conflict, and increase intimacy. Hudson Street Press.
VanderWeele, T. J. (n.d.). Human Flourishing Program. Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health. Retrieved September 5, 2025, from https://hsph.harvard.edu/research/vanderweele-group/human-flourishing-program/
